Kingdom of Loathing is a free, browser-based MMORPG. It has earned its popularity through frequent content updates, charming stick figure graphics, and a broad sense of humor. Unlike many other MMORPGS which stick with popular fantasy archetypes such as warrior or mage, Kingdom of Loathing has amusing and unique names for just about every aspect of the game. While this makes for a fun gameplay experience, it can also be very confusing to new players who aren’t sure, for example, what a Seal Clubber is and why they should play one.
This article will unlock some of the mystifying terminology behind KoL, and give new players a solid introduction to each of the six classes. Classes rely on one of three stats as their main source of power: Muscle (physical ability), Moxie (roughly translated as pluck), and Mysticality (magical ability).
Seal Clubbers are Kingdom of Loathing’s melee fighters. Their primary stat is Muscle. Seal Clubbers should look for melee weapons that have a high Power level, or a bonus to Muscle and Weapon Damage. Although Seal Clubbers come with a passive 50% boost to their hit points, players should still focus on dealing a lot of damage quickly in fights, rather than outlasting opponents. A fragile class with burst damage, Seal Clubbers are expected to be beaten in fights so often that they have an early talent, Tongue of the Otter, that reduces recovery time!
The marquee talent for Seal Clubbers is Super-Advanced Meatsmithing, which is available from the trainer at level 5 for 5,000 meat (the currency in Kingdom of Loathing). This talent allows you to craft weapons out of ore and leather. Crafted items can be quite powerful in KoL, and using this talent will allow you to augment resistance levels for certain fights, or simply to give your Seal Clubber the best melee weapons meat can buy.
Turtle Tamers are the “tanks” of KoL. They often do less damage than the other classes, but are so tough that they can just whittle their opponent down over time. Turtle Tamers are also Muscle-based, and work best with a strong one-hand weapon and an off-hand item with a lot of damage resistance. They have the same 50% hit point boost as Seal Clubbers, and are able to craft turtles into equipment such as helmets or shoulderguards. Turtle Tamers with the appropriate gear and talents can do a vicious combination Head-, Shoulder-, and Shield-Butt in a single move.
Turtle Tamers are able to, yes, tame turtles. The type of turtle available depends on the Tamer’s level and zone. Some turtles are pets, or familiars, while some are meant to be used as crafting materials. To capture a turtle, the Tamer must have the “Eau de Tortue” effect, and in higher levels must additionally be equipped with the Turtling Rod.
Saucerors are the mages or wizards of KoL. They use sauce spells to improve and protect their character, as well as damage to enemies. Saucerors have a passive 50% boost to their Mysticality Points. At level 5 this class can learn the Advanced Saucecrafting skill for 5,000 meat, which allows them to conjure reagents three times a day to cook into sauces and potions. Some Sauceror skills simultaneously do damage to an enemy and have “splashbacks” that give the player stat boosts and bonuses.
Saucerors can also combine skills and spells to maximize return. However, there is a lot of math and theory behind creating the perfect combination of Sauceror spells – new players may want to stay away from these advanced strategies on their first Ascention, or play-through.
One of the two “damage casters” in Kingdom of Loathing, Pastamancers could best be compared to the necromancer archetype. They use Mysticality (and Noodlecraft) to summon various types of pasta to do their bidding and assist in fights. At level 5 Pastamancers can learn Pastamastery for 5,000 meat from their local trainer. This allows them to summon and cook dry noodles three times per KoL day. These noodles can then be used as a crafting material, or combined with sauces to create food – great for selling to other players or giving stat benefits to your character!
Pastamancers are able to summon pasta guardians during fights which act as an additional familiar. To learn these summon spells, Pastamancers must find and use specific items outside of combat. Pasta guardians can be used a limited number of times each day, but grow stronger with each fight they win.
Disco Bandits are one of two Moxie classes in Kingdom of Loathing. (Moxie can be thought of as luck, or at least pluck.) Disco Bandits most resemble the popular fantasy archetype of the rogue – a stealthy stealer – although Bandits use ranged weapons. At level 5 they learn Advanced Cocktailcrafting, which gives them the ability to use high level cocktail items and create drinks that give stat increases and auras. Disco Bandits can string together some of their skills and abilities into Disco Combos which do additional damage or grant benefits to the player.
As a high Moxie class, Disco Bandits frequently enjoy the “plinking” style of combat. This requires stacking the Moxie stat as high s possible, making the player very resistant to being hit by monsters, and slowly picking away at their opponent through ranged attacks.
Accordion Thieves are the bards of KoL. They are a Moxie-based class, and have a variety of interesting “songs” that improve the player or their teammates. For example, an Accordion Thief can learn skills to increase (or “buff") the amount of treasure that a creature drops when killed, or improve spell damage, or give faster combat reaction time. Like Disco Bandits, Accordion Thieves use ranged weapons, and can engage in the ‘plinking’ style of combat.
Due to the powerful nature of the Accordion Thief’s spells and skills, a player may have only three buffs active at once. Accordion Thieves do not receive a special crafting skill at level 5, unlike most classes, but they are able to sell their buffs to other players with some negotiation.
While the words and names themselves are dramatically different from any other game, Kingdom of Loathing contains many concepts that will be very familiar to regular RPG players. New players should pick a role that sounds interesting to them, such as melee damage or party buffer, and focus on the main stat of their class – Muscle, Mysticality, or Moxie. Now they’re ready to relax and enjoy the wacky, wonderful world of KoL. Good luck!